Love Means….Love Means…..Love Just Is.

Posted: August 25, 2012 in Emotions, Family
Tags: , , , , ,

It was a beautiful day and then I arrived home to a message from my mother. They took my father out of the hospital via ambulance to another hospital as he is not breathing properly. His breathing was bad before and now it has gotten worse. They don’t know what is wrong ~ he has been having serious hallucinations and floating in and out of consciousness. At this point no one, not even the doctors know what is going on.

I feel so numb that I would not know what to say or think or feel if someone said something that I was supposed to hear to give me strength. It is so surreal. Other people are supposed to go through this, not me. Not the man who took me trick or treating. So many thoughts are racing through my head yet I can’t think of one thought to share if someone asked me.

All the while going through this my mother asked if it was okay to give the hospital my birth name when I call to ask after him. The love and understanding of my mother with regards to my transition is amazing especially seeing as how she knows that my father could pass away. It’s funny the things we hold onto and what we do in times of stress.

My father will get through this if only for selfish reasons that I don’t want to lose him yet. I am not ready. I will never be ready. He needs to live forever.



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