Don’t Need It – But, It’s Nice To Know It’s Around

Posted: August 24, 2012 in Life In General
Tags: , , , , ,

In my journey to complete my transition I haven’t really given much thought into finding a life long partner or even a short term partner. Right now my focus is my pending chest surgery. I am currently waiting on funding and losing more weight. I have lost about 63 pound and I want to lose another 20 pounds prior to having my chest surgery. Why get my chest surgery if I am overweight and don’t have healthy eating patterns? I will just wind up spending all that money to remove my female chest just to get it back by fat accumulation from a poor diet and no exercise. So that is my focus right now. Don’t get me wrong – I do have my attractions. But, it is not my most important focus right now.

But, with that said it does cross my mind from time to time that my dating pool is somewhat limited.  I am also very particular. I have dated large women, small women, brunettes, redheads, blondes. Poor women, middle-class women and wealthy women. I have dated women who were high school drop outs and women who have their Ph.D. I have dated no collar, to blue collar to white collar. I’ve been around the block several times and I now know what type of woman I am looking for. Some  guys settle. Not me. I know what I want.

I’m going to flat out say it. She has to be attractive to me. Yes, yes, yes I hear over and over again that it’s not the looks, it is the personality. Sorry no. I have dated several women who are not attractive by any means of what society thinks is hot yet I found them hot. I have dated women who were hot to me and also hot to society. In all of those cases I wouldn’t have gone out with them if they didn’t have a personality I liked. Unless it was a one night stand then it didn’t matter. But, yes – the woman I go out with has to be attractive to me. I thought a few times I was just being shallow and went out with a woman who was very nice but I wasn’t physically attracted to her. It didn’t go well. I tried and tried and tried but finally said the hell with it. I have to be attracted to the person I am dating. Again, what I think is attractive and what society thinks is attractive might be different or it might not be but no – I am sorry..actually – no, I am not sorry. I have to think she is hot if I am going to have sex with her. But, she has to have personality as well.

End of story.

With that said there wasn’t much out there with regards to where to find women. I have basically left the b-f community. I’m not signed up to websites that say butch-femme. Those are for butches and femmes as far as I am concerned – lesbians. They say that transmen are welcome. That’s nice but they could mean trans-butches and not FTMs. Besides, I want to go and meet women who find an FTM to be a man and not just a really masculine butch. I have encountered that before. I have no problem with them not wanting to go out with an FTM. Why should they if they are not attracted to FTMs? For the same reason I won’t go out with someone who has a nice personality who I am not attracted to. Let’s cut through the politically correct BS and we are all a lot happier that way.

I don’t date lesbians. I date femmes, hetrosexual women and bi-sexual women. Not lesbians.

I found a website that caters to guys like me. Thank goodness.

I didn’t sign up but after my surgery and after getting myself set up with working for myself then I might take a look at it. I’m not in any rush. I like my life just as it is. Calm, peaceful and relaxed. I like living with myself and hanging out with my friends when I can. If I don’t find a partner that is okay too.

I am not rushing to find love or even sex right now. I don’t need it but it’s nice to know it’s around if I want it.

  1. perpetua says:

    I am so happy you’ve found a site that is specifically for FtMs and the women who are attracted to them who aren’t lesbians. It’s about time someone created a place for you! Recently I got a message from someone who said “I know it says you are attracted to women, but would you consider dating a transman?” I replied that I’d never say never, but I am currently in a relationship; all of which is true. However, I identify as a femme lesbian, and I would love to send this person a link to that site, as I believe he thinks a femme lesbian is his only dating possibility; what doors this would open for him!

  2. David Gomez says:

    I can’t speak for all guys – just for myself. Some completely leave the LGBT community – others stay within the confines of the community and never leave it. Others such as myself stay for political reasons but also need to go outside of the community for a balance.

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