Is Stoic a Feeling?

Posted: August 1, 2012 in Emotions
Tags: , , , , ,

I ask this because the times I have been on T my emotional feelings have differed than when I was off of my T. I was on T when my ex and the one and only woman I was in love with split up. I wasn’t a crying mess. I accepted it.( I wrote about this earlier in another blog posting. )

The incident with the butch lesbian that I just recently wrote about would have bothered me for a very long time. I likely would have stayed in my anger and resentment. This time I did write about it but took a time out to process my thoughts about it.

I looked up stoic:

A person who has realized that their emotional reactions and opinions (and those of others) towards other people and events have little to no effect on the outcome of a situation. In short, they know that reacting emotionally to certain situations is totally futile. They have therefore made the obvious step of being unemotional about situations they have little control over, because it’s a total waste of time. Girlfriend left you? Getting cut up about it isn’t going to help. People making bitchy comments about you? Having a cry won’t change anything. Being Stoic doesn’t necessarily mean having no emotions at all, rather only reacting emotionally to things that truly matter and are of great importance to them. Stoics are often perceived as weird, cold and unemotional by others, especially during their teenager years, when most other adolescents have little control over their feelings. The Stoics of course know that others views on their Stoicism are irrelevant, because they will not change the fact that they are Stoic, nor will it help them understand it, so they don’t really care. Some Stoics take satisfaction from the irrational, emotionally driven responses of their peers. Some women hate stoics, as they are very difficult to manipulate emotionally.

Fred the stoic walked into his apartment to find his girlfriend screwing another guy on his couch. He politely asked them if they were going to be much longer, as he wished to play Xbox.

2: Linda: Either buy that diamond ring or I’ll leave you!
John: *Stops car and opens door* Bus stop is a mile back that way.
Linda: You’re a cheapskate and your dick is tiny!
John: That bus stop ain’t getting any closer ya know *Drives off*

This is of course a humorous example of stoicism. Though, I did have a girlfriend cheat on me once. (This was 19 years ago prior to me starting T.) I sat down next to the woman she was cheating on me with and asked, ‘are you sleeping with my girlfriend?’ The woman was shocked I actually asked that. As she opened her mouth to either tell me the truth or lie I held up my hand and smiled at her and said, “No stop. I  don’t know why I asked you that.” I stood up to leave and said to her. “I really don’t care. Have fun” Then I turned and walked away.

Things do make me sad. Injustice, assaults on women, children, animals and the weak. Wars that murder our youth for profit. Things make me very happy – the few times my Mets win, watching people laugh, watching young children discover something new, my two boys Tommy and Sammy chasing each other around the apartment. (They are cats), walking around the neighborhood in Spring marveling at the flowers in bloom.

For the past several months I have been dealing with the health of my parents. I haven’t posted about this on FB as I don’t want a long outpouring of well wishers and prayers. Though, I do that myself when I hear that someone is ill and I am quite sincere about it. Having grown up in the military we were raised to keep our emotions in check.

My mother had cancer. The had minor surgery to remove it but they didn’t get all of it and underwent a second surgery. They now believe they have gotten it all. My father had a heart attack and was recently outfitted with a pace-maker.

For the past 6 months he hasn’t been sleeping properly – he gets one, maybe two hours of sleep each night. He doesn’t drink but when I speak with him on the telephone his lack of sleep makes it sound like he is drunk. His sleep is restless and when he does manage to sleep my mother said that he shouts out in Spanish and gets upset with her when she doesn’t understand him. (Growing up he did not speak Spanish – we lived on military bases throughout the world and he saw no need to teach us Spanish. My mother is German-Italian)

Now his entire body is swollen, his stomach is rock hard and he is now only getting an hour to 45 minutes of sleep each night.

Whenever I speak with him I often fear it is the last time I will ever speak with him.

Be a good little soldier.


  1. perpetua says:

    That’s an interesting definition of stoic and Stoicism you found. I find just getting older makes me less inclined to deal with various forms of emotional manipulation, and I have spent the second half of my life thus far learning to let go of things over which I have no control. It has brought me a measure of serenity. I do know through the experience of many that dealing with the health issues of elderly parents is a difficult and painful process, one I have been spared through my (and my parents’) particular life journey. “Be a good little soldier” speaks volumes. My thoughts are with you as you go through this time.

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