Chew slowly…digest

Posted: July 8, 2012 in Emotions
Tags: , , , , ,

It feels good to have the T back in my system again. I react to things much differently that I used to. Before my T I was more emotional about personal issues. Now, I sort of shrug them off –

Wait a minute –

I am lying.

I don’t shrug them off. I digest them after I have chewed on them for a little bit.

I know as I just digested a feeling just a few moments ago.

It was the strangest thing. It was as if I had just finished chewing a large, oversized bit of skirt steak.

For the past few days I have been letting go of something – someone that I have known for 7 years. I was confused at first about it. I couldn’t quite figure it out. I was baffled as to why someone who is supposed to be a good friend never asked me how I am doing but always brings her problems to me.

A person’s words v their actions are indeed a telling tale.

It dawned on me that I was holding onto this person not for any attraction I might have had. But, I was holding onto this person as it was the last link from my past as a butch dyke to the man that I am today.

Once again, I learned that it was not about them. It was about me. With me taking T I am able to be the man I am. I am able to better process my feelings. Not because I am a man. Women can of course process feelings as well. But, because I never was a woman I was unable to deal with the female hormones and how they process emotions.

With my T I am myself – I can process my thoughts and feelings better.

I was able to let go lovingly.

I digested that bit of steak I was holding in the pit of my stomach.

Chew slowly

Digest

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Comments
  1. Audrey says:

    as life is an ebb and flow we are constantly growing new friends and letting the flotsam go. its probably best this way. i hope that you have not shed too many a tear on this being, as it is not truly your loss but theirs. stretch your wings and fly my friend – some of us really love you.

    • David Gomez says:

      Thank you Audrey. 🙂 No, no tears shed. It wasn’t like that. I mostly observe people’s behaviors and then take appropriate action to preserve myself.

  2. Cathy says:

    Becoming yourself means, I guess, carefully digesting other people’s changes. Interesting how and when this person seems to have pulled away. This post makes me think much of the man you are, and how you move through your life taking such good care … physically, emotionally, mentally … of yourself.

    • David Gomez says:

      Thank you Cathy – I don’t know if it was so much this person’s changes as it was mine. My ability to see things and feel things differently on T is what I am most amazed at. It has given me a calmness in this sea of human endeavor I try to navigate through. I still like this person as a friend but my needs, I have realized, have changed – which is a good thing as now it has a different dynamic – one with more equality and balance. It wasn’t something I would have seen clearly prior to taking T. (Hope that makes sense)

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